NIGEL’S GONE GANGSTA ON US

ARE YOU GUYS ALL WARMED UP?

***Kat’s dress. A+, sign me up for its more modest cousin with sleeves. Much better than last weeks bed skirt fiasco.

***Cartoon Lips IS Jeff Goldblum. Am I right, or am I right?



***Toni’s hat. Too. Many. Jokes. You know what comes to mind? A futuristic graduation cap, and did I see a tassle? She is heretofore named: Crazy Toni B.

***It’s official. Many Moore stopped listening to music past 1998. Sometimes she picks decent old stuff, a la Pat Benatar, but Richard Marx last week? Awful. Let’s just pray she uses Toto or Def Leopard next.

***Cast of GLEE! Can’t wait! Although, in the history of Fox have they ever pimped a show more explicitly? Don’t get me wrong, I’m loving it, but why do they tease us so? You are catering to your base Fox!

***I feel like the judges softball the Ballroom couples in order to defend its “uncool” style, while the hip hop numbers are supposed to be all Straight Outta Compton in order to earn their praise. These are kids that spend their time DANCING in front of mirrors all day, I don’t know if summoning the spirit of Tupac is even on their radar, give them a break.

***I’m crossing my fingers that next week everyone dances to an MJ song. How sweet would it be to see a Dirty Diana Tabitha/Napoleon number?

WHATEVER YOU FEEL, JUST DANCE IT

***FABIAN/ LAKER GIRL: Holy Moses. Let’s be honest the thought of Fabio doing hip-hop makes me shudder. But Nigel was all sorts of mean. Say Gangsta again. Gangsta. Fabian was less than great, but Laker Girl was decent. Crazy Toni B gave them the best criticism: “store bought”. Go home Fabian, Laker Girl I think we can be friends, you seem nice enough.



***COOL ASIAN/ ORPHAN: First of all. Where do I get me one of those lace bodysuits? Second of all. I’m not loving their “affection” for each other. Are you guys buying it? It’s a tad forced. Blech. It feels like a thinly veiled attempt at getting the cutesy vote. No thanks. And PS – Broadway and Unitard already have the cutesy vote. Get your own public ploy.

***OLDIE/FRO PICK: Okay FINE. They were good. Ade is a solid contender. And Oldie wasn’t awful. But have they just lucked out with some great choreography? Sidenote - Oldie loves Pilates? I could have guessed that a mile away. You know who else loves pilates? Madonna. And she’s like 75. Although she IS more ripped than Dwight Howard… digression.

***CHACHA/CARLTON: Okay I loved this and I hated this. The tights are a big cup of NO. And ChaCha was supposedly a “rocker” but then Nigel compares her to Cher. Exactly. Throwing the devil horns does not a rocker make. I could have done with less of that. Also, there is still something a bit annoying about Carlton, but I also think he is legitimately the best dancer on this show.



***5-O/BLONDIE: She wants to be a model? Shocker. They really needed to coordinate their faces when they dance. 5-O looked depressed and she looked high on Valium. I miss Bird Face. Hot Tamale Train? That train is about to lose it’s street cred Mary. But I’m glad Crazy Toni B mentioned the sans shoes. I loved that at least.

***BROADWAY/UNITARD: Did you see her shirt in the clip? It’s said Unitard Girl. YESSSS. She just went up a notch. I’m glad Mia is back. Why were Evan’s clothes so big? Loved this routine. I’m glad they are doing so well and “living up to Mia’s choreography”. PS – I’m on the lookout for new glasses. Mia’s were pretty kickin right?

***ALADDIN/RUBY: O, Fortuna? It’s just too soon. And Oh My Star Wars. The Princess Leia getup was out of control. Did you see the ponytail? And okay guys, Ruby has crazy eyes, right? This was probably my least favorite routine (if you couldn’t tell). While I’m still holding on to my love for Aladdin, Ruby gets worse every week.

***CARTOON LIPS (CL)/EMMY ROSSUM: So let me get this straight. CL is standing there covered in feathers 30 seconds after showing his rear end to all of America and Nigel wants to ask for MORE? Dude. This show is hardcore. I thought the routine was cute as a button. And for the first time I’m actually impressed with him. I thought he faked the Broadway style well - he didn’t even try to sneak the rubber arms move into the choreography. Emmy was good, per usual, she might be my favorite girl now. Although, did she have to CONSTANTLY lift her dress up during the choreography? I hope that was against her will. They can both stay for now.

ELIMINATIONARY

***America has redeemed itself. That bottom three was much more appropriate.

***I am really okay with the elimination. Those three mediocre girls were equally deserving of the cut, and Fabian had it coming a mile away. The fact that he made it further than Russian A is ridiculous. Don’t get me started. Sure he can tumble, but tumblin’ ain’t dancing people.

***Hip Hop is the new Waltz. Four people from hip hop routines have gone home the next night. I guess Nigel is going to have to choreograph next week’s number, you know with all that FEAR that he knows so much about.

BREAK IT DOWN NOW

***I’m Picking Up What You’re Throwing Down
Unitard/Broadway
Carlton/ChaCha
Cartoon Lips/Emmy Rossum

***Doing Nothing For Me, But Not Awful
Fro Pick/Oldie
5-0/Blondie

***Should Be Voted Off the Island
Aladdin/Ruby
Cool Asian/Orphan
Fabian/Laker Girl

***Who SHOULD go home: Fabian and Cool Asian

***Who I WANT gone: Ruby and Fabian

***Who ACTUALLY got kicked to the curb: Cool Asian and Fabian