THE BOTANS: AKA THE DAY OF A 1000 CLOSE UPS

So it turns out I REALLY love to take close up pictures. I realized this as soon as I got home with the 400 pictures we took at the Missouri Botanical Gardens and found out that 389 of them where close ups. Which is sad because this place is 80 acres of every plant you could imagine. Including a huge Japanese garden and geodesic dome (named the Climatron, which is essentially a rain forest inside the Swan Station). I guess Brad and I will just have to go back and take more panoramics. Dang it. Seriously though, you could spend an entire day trying to see everything and not get bored.

NIGEL’S GONE GANGSTA ON US

ARE YOU GUYS ALL WARMED UP?

***Kat’s dress. A+, sign me up for its more modest cousin with sleeves. Much better than last weeks bed skirt fiasco.

***Cartoon Lips IS Jeff Goldblum. Am I right, or am I right?



***Toni’s hat. Too. Many. Jokes. You know what comes to mind? A futuristic graduation cap, and did I see a tassle? She is heretofore named: Crazy Toni B.

***It’s official. Many Moore stopped listening to music past 1998. Sometimes she picks decent old stuff, a la Pat Benatar, but Richard Marx last week? Awful. Let’s just pray she uses Toto or Def Leopard next.

***Cast of GLEE! Can’t wait! Although, in the history of Fox have they ever pimped a show more explicitly? Don’t get me wrong, I’m loving it, but why do they tease us so? You are catering to your base Fox!

***I feel like the judges softball the Ballroom couples in order to defend its “uncool” style, while the hip hop numbers are supposed to be all Straight Outta Compton in order to earn their praise. These are kids that spend their time DANCING in front of mirrors all day, I don’t know if summoning the spirit of Tupac is even on their radar, give them a break.

***I’m crossing my fingers that next week everyone dances to an MJ song. How sweet would it be to see a Dirty Diana Tabitha/Napoleon number?

WHATEVER YOU FEEL, JUST DANCE IT

***FABIAN/ LAKER GIRL: Holy Moses. Let’s be honest the thought of Fabio doing hip-hop makes me shudder. But Nigel was all sorts of mean. Say Gangsta again. Gangsta. Fabian was less than great, but Laker Girl was decent. Crazy Toni B gave them the best criticism: “store bought”. Go home Fabian, Laker Girl I think we can be friends, you seem nice enough.



***COOL ASIAN/ ORPHAN: First of all. Where do I get me one of those lace bodysuits? Second of all. I’m not loving their “affection” for each other. Are you guys buying it? It’s a tad forced. Blech. It feels like a thinly veiled attempt at getting the cutesy vote. No thanks. And PS – Broadway and Unitard already have the cutesy vote. Get your own public ploy.

***OLDIE/FRO PICK: Okay FINE. They were good. Ade is a solid contender. And Oldie wasn’t awful. But have they just lucked out with some great choreography? Sidenote - Oldie loves Pilates? I could have guessed that a mile away. You know who else loves pilates? Madonna. And she’s like 75. Although she IS more ripped than Dwight Howard… digression.

***CHACHA/CARLTON: Okay I loved this and I hated this. The tights are a big cup of NO. And ChaCha was supposedly a “rocker” but then Nigel compares her to Cher. Exactly. Throwing the devil horns does not a rocker make. I could have done with less of that. Also, there is still something a bit annoying about Carlton, but I also think he is legitimately the best dancer on this show.



***5-O/BLONDIE: She wants to be a model? Shocker. They really needed to coordinate their faces when they dance. 5-O looked depressed and she looked high on Valium. I miss Bird Face. Hot Tamale Train? That train is about to lose it’s street cred Mary. But I’m glad Crazy Toni B mentioned the sans shoes. I loved that at least.

***BROADWAY/UNITARD: Did you see her shirt in the clip? It’s said Unitard Girl. YESSSS. She just went up a notch. I’m glad Mia is back. Why were Evan’s clothes so big? Loved this routine. I’m glad they are doing so well and “living up to Mia’s choreography”. PS – I’m on the lookout for new glasses. Mia’s were pretty kickin right?

***ALADDIN/RUBY: O, Fortuna? It’s just too soon. And Oh My Star Wars. The Princess Leia getup was out of control. Did you see the ponytail? And okay guys, Ruby has crazy eyes, right? This was probably my least favorite routine (if you couldn’t tell). While I’m still holding on to my love for Aladdin, Ruby gets worse every week.

***CARTOON LIPS (CL)/EMMY ROSSUM: So let me get this straight. CL is standing there covered in feathers 30 seconds after showing his rear end to all of America and Nigel wants to ask for MORE? Dude. This show is hardcore. I thought the routine was cute as a button. And for the first time I’m actually impressed with him. I thought he faked the Broadway style well - he didn’t even try to sneak the rubber arms move into the choreography. Emmy was good, per usual, she might be my favorite girl now. Although, did she have to CONSTANTLY lift her dress up during the choreography? I hope that was against her will. They can both stay for now.

ELIMINATIONARY

***America has redeemed itself. That bottom three was much more appropriate.

***I am really okay with the elimination. Those three mediocre girls were equally deserving of the cut, and Fabian had it coming a mile away. The fact that he made it further than Russian A is ridiculous. Don’t get me started. Sure he can tumble, but tumblin’ ain’t dancing people.

***Hip Hop is the new Waltz. Four people from hip hop routines have gone home the next night. I guess Nigel is going to have to choreograph next week’s number, you know with all that FEAR that he knows so much about.

BREAK IT DOWN NOW

***I’m Picking Up What You’re Throwing Down
Unitard/Broadway
Carlton/ChaCha
Cartoon Lips/Emmy Rossum

***Doing Nothing For Me, But Not Awful
Fro Pick/Oldie
5-0/Blondie

***Should Be Voted Off the Island
Aladdin/Ruby
Cool Asian/Orphan
Fabian/Laker Girl

***Who SHOULD go home: Fabian and Cool Asian

***Who I WANT gone: Ruby and Fabian

***Who ACTUALLY got kicked to the curb: Cool Asian and Fabian

CURRENTLY LISTENING

For years I have been saying I want to be Michael Jackson for Halloween. And by that I mean MJ circa 1983. THAT image is the one I want to remember. You can’t get over the heaping dose of crazy that was his life but you also can’t really blame the guy. I wanted to tell the story about how I once had a goldfish named Michael Jackson or the time that I took a picture with his star on the Walk of Fame. But I think a mix-tape list of my ten MJ favorites is more appropriate.

..Smooth Criminal
..Dirty Diana
..Thriller
..I’ll Be There
..Billie Jean
..Beat It
..PYT
..Rock With You
..ABC
..The Way You Make Me Feel

ACCIO JULY 15TH

There will be awesome shirts, play-by-play blogging, and a whole lot of nerdyness. It's going to be legendary.

CAHOKI-WHAT?

The Cahokia Mounds are the largest prehistoric earthen construction in the Americas (thanks Wikipedia). They are also just 20 minutes from Alton. Basically this huge Indian civilization built up these mounds of clay/dirt/whatev around 1050 CE. They built a big one for their ruler and 120 smaller mounds around their six mile city for other officials. Over the last 100-ish years they've discovered tons of artifacts and its since become a state, national, and world historic site. Their visitors center/museum is pretty sweet. Brad and I opted to take a tour with the most long-winded and dry guide on the planet. Our group of 10 people could not have been happier when it was over. He did tell us some rad stories about how before it was a historic site the city built a drive-in theater over their ancient burial ground, but cool stories or not next time we'd probably go it alone. Other than the tour we had a great time.

These are the bronze doors into the visitors center/museum, this picture does not do it justice, they were amazing.

This is the biggest mound, Monks Mound, it's hand made and about 100 feet tall

You can see the St. Louis arch from the top of Monks Mound.

These flowery weeds are ALL OVER St. Louis and Southern Illinois, they are interesting but I have no idea what they are.

I was going for "Native Warrior" but I'm pretty sure I'm doing "BYU Cougarette", I would never have made it as an Indian.

We had a good time getting our culture on and after a few hours when Brad gave me the "I'm ready to go home" face, I obliged.

THE ONE WHERE AMERICA IS CRAZY AND THE JUDGES GOT IT WRONG

It’s official for seven-ish more weeks this will be a So Can Dance blog. Get used to it. But I’ll try to limit my posting to Friday morning re-caps. And while we’re at it, other things you should get used to: Center Stage references and quotes, long ramblings, outrage at insignificant things, and snarkyness.

ARE YOU GUYS ALL WARMED UP?

***All around I think the judges were a little off on Wednesday, I’m pretty sure this was their conversation after last week’s show: So we’ve got to throw Orphan a bone or we are going straight to hell, I mean come on, he doesn’t have any parents. Now Blondie is perky and her hair shines brighter than the sun so she’s definitely the one we want to win; lets dole out more outrageously undeserved comments and America will LOVE HER. Guys, I think we might be going a little too easy on Broadway, let’s throw in some specific critique to make ourselves look legit. Now Cartoon Lips has street cred and we don’t want to loose that, so we’ll compliment his partner a lot and then BS our way around telling him he’s awful. Okay, so we don’t want to be ageists or racists or bigots so we can’t say anything too awful about those contestants. Who’s left? Bird Face? Okay, we’ll send her home next week. Done and done.

***Kristin just texted me the money maker quote of the night: “A lack of confidence is the heaviest anchor you can put on your art.” Anytime your quotes can be flawlessly inserted into any scene in Center Stage you have got some issues. Lil C, calm down man. I do not underestimate your intelligence, I get it, you are a SERIOUS ARTIST. Now go back to writing your thesis or whatever it is you do. I don’t know your life. I liked how he graciously laughed at the relay of clips last night, but I still don’t think he really understands his own ridiculousness. (UPDATE - see Jenny's blog for a collection of his quotes.)



***Conspiracy Theory Alert: Cartoon Lips and Blah Blah were both affiliated with the America’s Best Dance Crew (ABDC). Which is American Idol judge Randy Jackson’s show. A show Shane Sparks is a judge on. Nigel Lythgoe is the former producer of American Idol and current judge/creator of So Can Dance. Now Cartoon Lips and Blah Blah are both on So Can Dance, and Shane Sparks is coincidentally back this season. Also, Hok and Dominic (season 3 alums) were on ABDC after they were on So Can Dance. The mind boggles at the connections; a little nepotiz (even though that’s not really what that means)??

***Is anyone else concerned that Mia Michaels is no where to be seen? I guess she did the group number last night, but otherwise has anyone actually seen her face since Vegas? Side note – the use of the Center Stage song in the group number felt right on cue after all our quoting this week.

***My favorite quote: “How handsome I am, and she’s not attracted to me.” Oh Orphan, I’m not sure what that means but, okay. (K and Ash – it reminded me of “What do you mean in your words?”).

***The “Things America doesn’t know about my partner that I don’t know either but I’ll pretend I do so America thinks we are SUPER close” segment was strange. The only person who came off looking better is Aladdin. Did you see that MJ impression? Brad and I re-watched it about 50 times.

WHATEVER YOU FEEL, JUST DANCE IT

***Carlton/ Cha Cha - Okay guys, was my screen blurry or was the disco number sort of awesome? I usually hate the disco numbers. And Carlton is growing on me. I’ve had issues getting over the O’ Fortuna dance but I think I’m getting there. Cha-cha (her new nickname in my book) is not helping herself; she clearly wants Carlton’s body in a desperate non-cute way.

***Five-O/Bird Face – Wow they really dissed them. I kind of liked it. I agree Bird Face was far better than Five-O, but does anyone remember the painfully awful hip-hop attempted by Tall Guy Matt last year? When he wore the white dew-rag/hat combo? That weren’t even that harsh to him.



***Russian A/Blondie – Holy Moses McGee. What the crap was that? I know they don’t pick their wardrobes or choreography but that was bizarre. It didn’t even look like they were dancing. I expected them to start singing opera. Blondie is this year’s Will. She could kill puppies on stage and they would claim “genius,” and they hate on Russian A just like Will’s partner last year (who couldn’t finish the season due to a mysterious broken rib… or ego).

ELIMINATIONARY

***America is crazy. That was almost the worst combo of bottom three couples ever.

***Russian A getting the boot? Alright, I’ll take that. There was no warm spot in my heart for him. But BIRD FACE! After the show on Wednesday she was officially my favorite, and now the judges have gone and made me hate 99% of the girls (instead of 90%). Ruby should have gone. Hands down.

BREAK IT DOWN NOW

***I’m Picking Up What You’re Throwing Down
Unitard/Broadway
Five-O/Bird Face
Carlton/Cha Cha

***Doing Nothing For Me, But Not Awful
Fro Pick/Oldie
Aladdin/Ruby
Cool Asian/Orphan

***Should Be Voted Off the Island
Russian A/Blondie
Fabian/Blah Blah
Cartoon Lips/Emmy Rossum

***Who SHOULD go home: Cartoon Lips & Blah Blah

***Who I WANT gone: Cool Asian & Fabian

***Who ACTUALLY got kicked to the curb: Bird Face & Russian A

I CAN'T ANYMORE, BECAUSE OF BOTOX.

How great is it that we're now openly acknowledging Mary's awful Botox? We have come a long way. Also, how excellent was the first show? Usually the first few weeks are easy cuts, but I thought everyone did fabulous. This is going to be a tough season.

Now on to more important details because when I make promises, I deliver. So to all two of you patiently awaiting for me to unveil THE NICKNAMES, today is your day. The 20 mildly offensive, somewhat obvious, and occasionally nonsensical re-names are here. Jenny and K are also posting Nicknames, maybe sometime before the end of the season, which will more than likely kick my Nickname's trash. At which point I will bow down and adjust accordingly.

JEANINE and PHILLIP
Okay, so maybe not in this picture but otherwise this chick looks exactly like Emmy Rossum (Christine from Phantom). It's spooky and it's all I can see. So far I like her alright. Phillip I'm still not impressed with. Could they have given him an easier routine? (Side note - "draw their styles out of a hat" my left foot. They actually do in the second half of the season but I guarantee they get assigned in the beginning). Oh, and Phillip's cartoon lips? They are out of control, self explanatory. ADE and MELISSA
If this gal read my blog I'm pretty sure she'd hope for "Naughty Ballerina", but since she insists on bringing that name upon her self my response is: stop trying to make Naughty Ballerina happen, it's not going to happen. Brad wanted to name her "No eyebrows" but I think Oldie is mean enough. If you can't tell she's not my favorite, do ballet dancers ALWAYS have to wear tutus? Hair Pick on the other hand, I like. I'm always a fan of fly by night DJ slash Dancers.

MAX and KAYLA

This Max character is so serious. Bang. Officially the Russian Assassin. (They almost make it too easy.) And then there is Blondie, aptly named because that's all I can see (PS - how awful is her getup in the picture below?). I don't want to hate on her just yet because I'm not sure how I feel, we shall see. I think they were a little high on life after her last performance, she was good but its not like that dance cured cancer. Simmer down now.

JONATHAN and KARLA
I was going to name this guy Disney (same explanation for Jason below applies here) but I think this youngster truly believes he is some sort of extreme stud muffin. Bless his heart. Fabian, I'm pretty sure you are the next to go buddy. Don't let The Man keep you down. And Blah Blah is exactly that. And she should have gone last week.

CAITLIN and JASON
Initially her name was Cry Baby, but while she did in fact cry an inordinate amount it wasn't exactly right and I couldn't put my finger as to why I had immediately disliked her. That is UNTIL I realized that she is a doppelganger for Ruby from Felicity, and since Ruby swept in and ruined Noel's life I can never forgive her, so naturally this Ruby lookalike has a lot to make up for if she expects my vote. And doesn't Jason look like a character from any Disney channel movie? I'm pretty sure he's been in all of them, just look closer.

BRANDON and JANETTE

Oh, Brandon. When you dramatically danced to O Fortuna in your audition and made Mary cry I knew you were her chosen one. So I can't blame you for giving Mary a little suga on the side. As for the name Espanola? She just seems like one of those people who decides to use a spanish accent at will - Hi, my name is Amy SANCHEZ, my family is from ARGENTINA and I totally love HABANEROS and TACOS. Pet peeve my friends, pet peeve.

RANDI and EVAN

I debated on calling Randi either Utah Hair or Unitard. I went with Unitard because I don't think she's giving it her best Utah Hair effort. She is missing the square head tease and zebra stripe highlights. Evan, could he be more adorable? Broadway indeed.

VITOLIO and ASUKA

I think this picture was taken right after Vitolio found out I call him The Orphan. Oh, well. Orphan, I hope you get better choreography this week because I think I really like you. Cool Asian (a la Mean Girls) still bugs. I'm not a fan.

KUPONO and ASHLEY

I tried really hard to think of another name for her besides Bird Face because I think she's really cute, but the more I replayed the last episode and the more I look at this picture all I could see was BIRD BIRD BIRD. So there you have it. But she is a very cute bird. If you need an explanation for Kupono's nickname I'm not sure I could say anything beyond, What the what?

TONY and PARIS

Eh, Tony and Chin Girl (initially referred to as Cutty, as in House) suffered the shame of first blood. Totally don't agree that Chin Girl should have gotten the boot, I was really starting to like her. But Eh, Tony performed the worst solo in So Can Dance history so he had it coming. See you guys at the finale!

*After re-reading this I guess I like almost all the guys and hate most of the girls. As per usual.

Are you ready to post yet Jenny and K? Once you unleash your awesomeness I'll need some time to re-do my amazing graphics before this week's episode.