I don’t think I have ever lived under a roof that didn’t have the Academy Awards playing on Oscar night. A healthy dose of awards shows was served yearly thanks to my mom. In fact in fourth grade I remember waking up the morning after the Oscars and asking her “Did Beauty and the Beast win best picture?” It did not, but honestly my 8 year old self wasn’t surprised, everyone knew Silence of the Lambs was a shoo-in. But don’t take this to mean I’m some sort of snarky film snob, in fact currently I have seen only one of the five nominated Best Pictures (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, curiously the only PG-13 of the bunch). I just love awards season. So in the grand fashion of this blog, here is a run down of 3 plus hours of my life that I will never get back. Awards style.
.Best Host: Hugh Jackman. Excellent work. It’s a more than awkward affair to helm an event that is the epitome of film snobbery but expects their host to be funny, political, and musical all at the same time.
.Best Surprisingly Good Voice: How long until Anne Hathaway gets ten offers to do some variation of "Princess Diaries: the Musical in 3D"? Trick question. She got thirty offers and already turned them down for "Dark and Druggy, My obvious Quest for an Oscar: the Musical".
.Best “Below The Belt” Moment: So Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black come out and do a humorous little routine AND THEN they cut to Angelina… oh good gravy Academy, is nothing beneath you?
.Best Host: Hugh Jackman. Excellent work. It’s a more than awkward affair to helm an event that is the epitome of film snobbery but expects their host to be funny, political, and musical all at the same time.
.Best Surprisingly Good Voice: How long until Anne Hathaway gets ten offers to do some variation of "Princess Diaries: the Musical in 3D"? Trick question. She got thirty offers and already turned them down for "Dark and Druggy, My obvious Quest for an Oscar: the Musical".
.Best “Below The Belt” Moment: So Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black come out and do a humorous little routine AND THEN they cut to Angelina… oh good gravy Academy, is nothing beneath you?
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.Best Mockery: Ben Stiller making fun of Joaquin Phoenix was pretty funny; I really hope he planned that 30 seconds before going on stage.
.Best Speech: The Japanese guy who won for Animated Short Film. Anyone who can work the phrase “Domo arigato Mr. Roboto” into an acceptance speech is amazing in my book. And second place goes to the documentary film guy for balancing the Oscar on his chin after doing a 3rd grade magic trick. Gob Bluth would approve.
.Best Cruelty: Even though I think Beyonce (or as my mom says “Bon-say”) over-sings every note it was still ridiculously unfair to have Vanessa Hudgens and Amanda Seyfried in the same musical number. Brutal. PS – Vanessa, it must hurt to realize the only reason you get work outside of Disney is because you are dating Mr. Efron.
.Best Presenters: Tina Fey and Steve Martin, they should host next year. I would love a Tina/Steve musical number.
.Best Awkward Moment: Having Queen Latifah sing during the “In Memoriam” portion of the show was really… strange. Supposedly it was to deter people from clapping between the pictures, but people still did. So it just turned into this weird apex of clapping/ pictures/ performing/ audience/ stage… and we were left with a befuddled camera guy and the thought, “Is The Queen supposed to be singing right now?”
.Best Dressed Male: Daniel Craig, enough said.
.Best Musical Moment: Did you hear that Peter Gabriel refused to perform because his song was only given a 65 second time slot? John Legend ended up filling in which makes me wonder if he was Peter approved or if he was all they could get at the last minute. Either way, if I was Peter, I’d be embarrassed because the number turned out amazing and it sounded like John Legend was supposed to sing that song in the first place.
.Best… okay this one doesn’t have a category: Michael Shannon and Mickey Rourke are possibly two of the ugliest actors ever. There, I said it, I’m sorry.
In Conclusion: Every year Brad and I fill out ballots. Last year he beat me, and even though this year he claims to have chosen recklessly to let me win, I’ll still take it. Boo-ya baby.
.Best Speech: The Japanese guy who won for Animated Short Film. Anyone who can work the phrase “Domo arigato Mr. Roboto” into an acceptance speech is amazing in my book. And second place goes to the documentary film guy for balancing the Oscar on his chin after doing a 3rd grade magic trick. Gob Bluth would approve.
.Best Cruelty: Even though I think Beyonce (or as my mom says “Bon-say”) over-sings every note it was still ridiculously unfair to have Vanessa Hudgens and Amanda Seyfried in the same musical number. Brutal. PS – Vanessa, it must hurt to realize the only reason you get work outside of Disney is because you are dating Mr. Efron.
.Best Presenters: Tina Fey and Steve Martin, they should host next year. I would love a Tina/Steve musical number..Best Awkward Moment: Having Queen Latifah sing during the “In Memoriam” portion of the show was really… strange. Supposedly it was to deter people from clapping between the pictures, but people still did. So it just turned into this weird apex of clapping/ pictures/ performing/ audience/ stage… and we were left with a befuddled camera guy and the thought, “Is The Queen supposed to be singing right now?”
.Best Dressed Male: Daniel Craig, enough said.
.Best Musical Moment: Did you hear that Peter Gabriel refused to perform because his song was only given a 65 second time slot? John Legend ended up filling in which makes me wonder if he was Peter approved or if he was all they could get at the last minute. Either way, if I was Peter, I’d be embarrassed because the number turned out amazing and it sounded like John Legend was supposed to sing that song in the first place.
.Best… okay this one doesn’t have a category: Michael Shannon and Mickey Rourke are possibly two of the ugliest actors ever. There, I said it, I’m sorry.
In Conclusion: Every year Brad and I fill out ballots. Last year he beat me, and even though this year he claims to have chosen recklessly to let me win, I’ll still take it. Boo-ya baby.
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