UNFORTUNATELY FUN

I am a self professed blog stalker - proud of it - and today I saw on someone else's blog (I'm sorry, I don't remember who) a fun new way to waste time. Who doesn’t need more of that? You just type "Unfortunately, {your name here}" into google and then hilarity ensues.

These are the best results that came up using my name:

*Unfortunately, Bridget's mother was still unconvinced that her daughter hadn't made the right choice.

*Unfortunately, Bridget did not return his affections, but even so, O’Carolan composed fifteen songs in her honor.

*Unfortunately, Bridget took that away from him. PS HE ONLY HAS ONE child!!!!!

*Unfortunately, Bridget's creators have decided she is a slow learner.

*Unfortunately, Bridget ran into a tricky obstacle and watched the race from the St. John’s Ambulance!

*Unfortunately Bridget chose to give the older bullies in her playground orange wedges instead of detention.

*Unfortunately, Bridget isn't terribly likable, her whole complex game plan based upon her shallow refusal to be anything other than upper-class.

*Unfortunately, Bridget already knows how to use the escape latch inside the trunk!

Good times. Wasting my day like this just proves how busy and important my life is. Please do not bother me, I clearly have too much going on.

BLAME MY MOTHER

I don’t think I have ever lived under a roof that didn’t have the Academy Awards playing on Oscar night. A healthy dose of awards shows was served yearly thanks to my mom. In fact in fourth grade I remember waking up the morning after the Oscars and asking her “Did Beauty and the Beast win best picture?” It did not, but honestly my 8 year old self wasn’t surprised, everyone knew Silence of the Lambs was a shoo-in. But don’t take this to mean I’m some sort of snarky film snob, in fact currently I have seen only one of the five nominated Best Pictures (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, curiously the only PG-13 of the bunch). I just love awards season. So in the grand fashion of this blog, here is a run down of 3 plus hours of my life that I will never get back. Awards style.


.Best Host: Hugh Jackman. Excellent work. It’s a more than awkward affair to helm an event that is the epitome of film snobbery but expects their host to be funny, political, and musical all at the same time.

.Best Surprisingly Good Voice: How long until Anne Hathaway gets ten offers to do some variation of "Princess Diaries: the Musical in 3D"? Trick question. She got thirty offers and already turned them down for "Dark and Druggy, My obvious Quest for an Oscar: the Musical".

.Best “Below The Belt” Moment: So Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black come out and do a humorous little routine AND THEN they cut to Angelina… oh good gravy Academy, is nothing beneath you?

.

.Best Mockery: Ben Stiller making fun of Joaquin Phoenix was pretty funny; I really hope he planned that 30 seconds before going on stage.

.Best Speech: The Japanese guy who won for Animated Short Film. Anyone who can work the phrase “Domo arigato Mr. Roboto” into an acceptance speech is amazing in my book. And second place goes to the documentary film guy for balancing the Oscar on his chin after doing a 3rd grade magic trick. Gob Bluth would approve.

.Best Cruelty: Even though I think Beyonce (or as my mom says “Bon-say”) over-sings every note it was still ridiculously unfair to have Vanessa Hudgens and Amanda Seyfried in the same musical number. Brutal. PS – Vanessa, it must hurt to realize the only reason you get work outside of Disney is because you are dating Mr. Efron.

.Best Presenters: Tina Fey and Steve Martin, they should host next year. I would love a Tina/Steve musical number.

.Best Awkward Moment: Having Queen Latifah sing during the “In Memoriam” portion of the show was really… strange. Supposedly it was to deter people from clapping between the pictures, but people still did. So it just turned into this weird apex of clapping/ pictures/ performing/ audience/ stage… and we were left with a befuddled camera guy and the thought, “Is The Queen supposed to be singing right now?”

.Best Dressed Male: Daniel Craig, enough said.

.Best Musical Moment: Did you hear that Peter Gabriel refused to perform because his song was only given a 65 second time slot? John Legend ended up filling in which makes me wonder if he was Peter approved or if he was all they could get at the last minute. Either way, if I was Peter, I’d be embarrassed because the number turned out amazing and it sounded like John Legend was supposed to sing that song in the first place.

.Best… okay this one doesn’t have a category: Michael Shannon and Mickey Rourke are possibly two of the ugliest actors ever. There, I said it, I’m sorry.

In Conclusion: Every year Brad and I fill out ballots. Last year he beat me, and even though this year he claims to have chosen recklessly to let me win, I’ll still take it. Boo-ya baby.

MY FAVORITE CONVERSATION

Sometimes Brad and I marvel at our similarities. We laugh at the same parts of a movie that no one else finds funny. We can easily polish off a jar of Nutella in less than 24 hours. We love making fun of Al Gore. We find it impossible to fall asleep before midnight. And a mini-marathon of Arrested Development is our idea of a Friday night.

Where we find our swift divergence is music. I make fun of him for liking Metal and he mocks my preference for “pretentious” Indie music. Over the years we have managed to establish our common audible ground in Michael Buble, Jack Johnson, Frank Sinatra, jazz stations, talk radio, and Harry Potter on CD. But after a while these can get a bit tiring, so occasionally I would mix in a few of my personal favorites. Seeing Brad’s obvious enjoyment I would casually ask, “This is a good song, right?” to which he would suspiciously respond, “Why do you ask? Is it Death Cab For Cutie?” to which I would say, “Yes, and I saw you humming along.” He would then scowl and demand a song change because he can not endorse a band that has “Death Cab” in its name.

Well, a few weeks ago Brad sheepishly whispered to me:

Brad: I have a secret to tell you
Bridget: Okay.
Brad: I realized today that I actually like Death Cab For Cutie.
Bridget: Really? I already knew.
Brad: I know. I just had to tell you.

(Image from Wikipedia)

This has since been added to our common ground rotation. I guess sometimes marriage is about brainwashing your spouse into submission. Just don’t tell Brad that I have two Metallica songs on my Ipod that I don’t normally skip.

BAKING SOME LOVE.

Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both.

I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

- Michael Scott

CONSPIRACY THEORY

What are the chances that two of the girls that made it to the top 36 of American Idol this season wore the EXACT same dress to their original audition? And why am I the only one who has noticed this? We have a conspiracy on our hands people. PS - the dress isn't even that great, they both look like they are 12 years old/ possibly pregnant.

Megan Corkery

Sandy, UT

Mishavonna Henson
Irvine, California

(images from americanidol.com)

Also, this being the third TV related post this week, what are the chances that I might be watching too much TV?

MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR

I spent four hours in the gym over the past two days just so I could watch the 2009 Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. That's dedication people. I should win some sort of prize. Well Stump certainly did. The awesomely monikered Sussex Spaniel won Best In Show AND he gets to go on Martha tomorrow. Lucky.

(images from Yahoo News)

RECAP

I was really disappointed the Scottish Deerhound didn't win, because the headline "Tiger Woods wins the 2009 Kennel Club Dog Show" would have been classic.

I must give the Scottish Terrier props for his Best In Show entrance. Not every one would have the courage to urinate on national television. I love how the announcers pretended like they didn't see it and instead of changing the subject they just remained silent which made it painfully more obvious that they did in fact see it.

Okay. I'm a woman so I can say this. The female announcer was awful (I couldn't find her name anywhere, probably for good reason). First of all she knows less about dogs than I do, which is basically nothing. Questions like "So... is the Mastiff's slobber at all a factor in the judging?" does nothing for our gender and does not make the show more appealing to a wider audience. Also, I'm sorry. She sounds like a man. I was taken aback EVERY time they cut to her because I had forgotten I wasn't listening to two men. It's like taking a swig of your drink and unexpectedly getting water instead of coke.

Last year my favorite was the French Bulldog. They still remain my favorite but this year I am adding Norfolk Terrier to the list.

(Image from Wikipedia)

It went by way too fast this year, I submit it should be a week long event - somehow they need to come up with more categories. Only 364 days to go until next year!

(SIDENOTE - Ash I'm sorry for missing your big day yesterday. You know I love you. Happy Birthday!)

THOUGHTS ON THE GRAMMYS

- I love the songs they choose to introduce the presenters. Like when Blink 182 came out and they used a song that was released 10 years ago. Nothing says “we are still relative” like playing a decade old hit from a time when the Jonas Bros where in diapers.

- Do you think that Stevie Wonder knows who the Jonas Brothers are? Or do you think he probably thought “Hey, these are decent backup singers”. Yeah, me too.

- How cute was it when Kate Beckinsale covered her daughter’s ears when Craig Ferguson made a questionably appropriate joke? So cute.

- Wow. Katy Perry is not great live. Yikes.

- I think the Grammys sole purpose was to try and convince me to like Sugarland. I’m not sure why I dislike them, I think it’s their name and their over use of the country twang. But I’ll have to investigate them further because their acceptance speech, performance and pairing with Adele were all excellent.

- I'm pretty sure I’m the only person who does not get Lil Wayne. Are we all listening to the same person? I can not listen to more than 2 seconds of him. It’s like the inexplicable love people have for Shakira. Why does no one else besides Kristin and Ashley agree that she has a HORRIBLE voice?

- MIA chick. Dude you are pregnant, what are you doing at the Grammys? Also, I don’t know I if would have chosen exactly that outfit.

- Kanye. No to the Mullet. TI. Yes to everything.

- I actually hate the Foo Fighters but when they played “I Saw Her Standing There” with Paul McCartney they were my favorite band for about 3 minutes.

- The USC marching band with Radiohead? Awesome. All those nerds about to get really popular.

- Alison Krauss is perilously close to becoming the Elijah Wood of the music world. I’m pretty sure she’s younger now than she was 15 years ago.

- And finally, Justin Timberlake. Confession. My roommates and I taped the Billboard Music Awards in 2002 when we were freshman at BYU and kept that tape for at least 5 years so we could pull it out and watch an NSYNC performance of Gone any time we wanted. JT is that good live. Needless to say his Grammys performance shows he's still got it. For old time sakes here he is in his former glory.

THINGS LEARNED AT THE ST. LOUIS SCIENCE MUSEUM

There are not a whole lot of constellations you can see during the day.

Wind still blows around buildings

Brad can fit his fanny into an exhibit clearly meant for children. Also, our home scale is suprisingly accurate.

I still can't see 3D pictures, but the glasses are awesome.

It would take a lot of money to send me to the moon.


And the husband is still hot to trot.

guess what?

When snow only comes once a year, you're actually thrilled to see it.

don't mind if I do