SO CAN DANCE SEASON 6, NICKNAMES & SUCH

Lately I've been having these really vivid dreams and last Friday I dreamt I made the top 20. Don’t laugh yet, it gets better. It was the afternoon of the first show and my partner and I (it was John Meyer of course, what?) were completely stressed because we didn't know the routine very well and we hadn't had time to practice. And you know what I was most concerned about? The fact that I hadn't chosen what outfit I was going to wear yet. I wasn't alarmed that I'd make a fool of myself DANCING TV, just that I wouldn't be wearing a cute outfit while doing it. Oh goodness. My dream didn't last long enough to see what happened to John and I but I'm pretty sure we were the first couple sent home.

So that begs the question - What would a random blogger give me as my Top 20 nickname? I don’t want to think about it too much, but THIS random blogger has the nicknames for Season 6 ready to be unleashed on the world. Enjoy.

DISCLAIMER – Just remember I never claimed these wouldn’t be offensive, somewhat obvious, or occasionally nonsensical.

THE NICKNAMES

BILLY

First a moment of silence for THE BELL. Did you say, Billy, I love you? Because yes, yes I did. Despite Shankman’s uncomfortably dramatic reaction to his Vegas solo I really liked this guy. I thought he was humble and a bit awkward but totally BROUGHT IT when he danced. What a stud. There was a lot of buzz starting over the summer for a few of the dancers that made this top 20. That’s right - people were campaigning before the season started. And he was my absolute favorite of those dancers I saw beforehand. I’m sure he’ll be back next season; I told Brad last week that I thought he’d be top 4. His name would have been Neo – as in The One.

[EDIT - I just found he has mono. FINE that's legit. I thought I had mono once for an entire year. Turned out I was just really bored.]

ASHLEIGH

Guys, I’m officially 1 Kevin Bacon degree away from actually dancing in the Top 20. Ashleigh Di Lello (nee Ingersoll) lived across from Kristin, Ashley and I in the dorms freshman year. Yes --- let that sink in. I am awesome by association. She was one of the seven Ashley/Ashleigh/Ashlee’s on our floor. AND she’s not even a girl I saw a few times, we actually knew each other, although lets be honest if she saw me on the street I’d probably have to tell her my name and say, “I was one of the Texans that only hung out with the other three Texans.” And she’d say, “Oooh, yeah.” But really she’d only have a faint idea of who I was. No matter, because in my mind if she gets to hang out with Tabither and Napoleon we’re totally BFFs. Ash, give me a call sometime!

Ashleigh shall remain Ashleigh because we’re tight like that.

(Seriously though, she’s a REALLY nice and genuinely good person. She’s one of those girls that everyone liked, even though all the boys thought she was hot. So don’t let the judges calling her “fake” deter you, blame it on her Utah ballroom upbringing. Now you don’t have to feel bad voting for her just because she’s LDS.)

BIANCA

So let me square with you guys, I’m not a huge fan of Lady Tapper here - and I can’t quite put my finger on it… she’s just a little too drunk on her own awesomeness; you know being the “first” girl tapper and the meat in that Tap Man Sandwich. Plus it felt like she was “close” friends with Ryan Kasperzak during the auditions because she thought he was going to make top 20. She got all weirdly emotional when she saw him at auditions… yeah, the fact that he was supposed to be a Season 6 shoo-in had NOTHING to do with it. And now she’s all clingy with her partner. She just seems emotional unstable. But in a fake way. For the cameras. Clingy Lady Tapper, you’re defiantly bottom tier (although I can admit you did reasonably well this week).

CHANNING

Blue Crush. She’s the cute version of Kate Bosworth when she was that hip surfer who dated the quarterback in Hawaii. You know? She taught him to surf and they fell in love? And Kate was 20 pounds heavier and looked 200 times better? Yeah, THAT Blue Crush.

I’m undecided with her. I liked her during auditions but now I’m not sure.

ELLENORE

I’m sorry. I can't decide if being interchangeable with Arianna is a good thing. Because either you’re the next to go or you’ve eliminated That Other Girl That Is The Same Person. Even after seeing her in two shows I have no idea who she is, I don’t remember who her partner is, what her back story is, what style she dances. Did she actually make the top 20? Mmmm. I was going to call her Streets (as in “Random girl from off the street”) but that either sounds like I’m giving her undue hip-hop cred or alluding to a prostitution reference. Then I wanted to call her Faceless Star Trek Crew Member but that’s too long so we’ll just stick with Faceless instead.

KAREN

JLo. She believes she’s as hot as JLo believes she was in everything she’s ever done. Plus she kind of bugs.

KATHRYN

If you aren’t LDS, bear with me this probably won’t make sense. You know those girls that get up to bear their testimony and their voice gets all high and squeaky when they start to get emotional? Yeah. Did you see her on the top 20 selection show? HOLY MOSES, dogs in East Asia could hear her. I don’t know how to see past the squeaky voice to tell if I like her, so I’m struggling. Either way her nickname will be Fast Sunday.

MOLLEE

Lolita. Sometimes Nigel gets a little too Humbert for my taste (that’s right I just made a Nabokov reference) because the fact that they ask 18 year olds to be on this show and then keep telling them to be sexy grosses me out (especially when they look and act 12). There’s got to be a better way. She just comes across as immature and juvenile. While I can admit that she’s a good dancer I don’t get why they thought she was mature enough for the show. Where they that desperate to keep their blonde quota this season?

[Okay, I just re-watched her back story and dance this week and I think I might be a little harsh… but I’m still sticking with the nickname.]

NOELLE

Even though she’s BFFs AE AE AE with Mollee I actually like her. I don’t think it was fair for her to sit out Monday’s show and not get sent home. Seriously, what was the logic there? Whatever. I had no ideas for her nickname so I turned to the ever creative Jenny and she delivered solid gold. She said she kind of look likes Audrina from The Hills. You know, if Audrina ever looked anyone in the eyes or said “Ya’ll.” Good work Jen, spot on. So Audrina, here's so advice: don’t date Justin Bobby it ends badly for everyone.

PAULINE

It’s too bad she lost two partners in the span of 3 days because I think she’s cute as a button. Jenny suggested we call her Teeth, but since I like her so much I’m calling her The Curse. Wait that doesn’t sound nicer than Teeth does it? I guess “Teeth” is mean because it’s making fun of her face, but she can’t help that she’s The Curse.

JAKOB

So he’s my second fav after Neo and thus his name will be Neo 2.0. And I’m keeping the 2.0 out of respect for 1.0. I was a little worried about him partnering with Ashleigh, for some reason I thought he was shorter than her, but I think they make a good team. Definitely my favorite couple.

KEVIN

Well I guess it all started the first time I went through the second grade. I caught my reflection in a spoon while I was eating my cereal, and I remember thinking "wow, you're ridiculously good looking, maybe you could do that for a career. This guy is totally Zoolander. After he started talking about his modeling career his nickname was so painfully obvious it almost didn’t seem fair. He’s got Blue Steel DOWN and I love it.

LEGACY

It will be Legend - wait for it – not so much. I’m sorry he bothers me and he doesn’t deserve to be in the top 20. He is the equivalent of the producers trying to make Fetch happen. It’s not going to happen! It’s so painfully obvious that he was just a good story and the show loved his “emotional bad boy” side. Uuugh. I’m already tired of complaining about him… can anyone say Anti-Legacy?

NATHAN

LOVE him. I love that he auditioned in basketball shorts and I love that he describes himself of more of a “musician". Kids these days. I was having a hard time coming up with a nickname then Jenny reminded me that he looks like Danny Norega, the token Asian on American Idol cast season 6. Then I thought he reminded me of the token Asian on Glee (you know, the one that’s a really good dancer but doesn’t getting any speaking or singing parts?). Then I thought of other token Asians, for example Mr. Wu on Veronica Mars. So in lieu of calling him “token”, I’m going with Mr. Wu because it’s more fun to say, plus there are a few other Asians this season so token doesn’t really apply. Say token again.

PETER

Rocky. He’s from Philli and legitimately TAP DANCES in WIFE BEATERS. It was too obvious.

PHILIP

Carlton. He’s a little cheesy and perpetually smiling. And I bet he does a great lip sync to Tom Jones. He’s my favorite of the tap dancers.

RUSSELL

Doug E Doug. Remember those amazing dreads he sported in Cool Runnings? SPOT ON. I’m just waiting for him to start complaining about being cold. Cold? I'm freezing my royal Rastafarian nay-nays off!

RYAN

These were all the nicknames that I came up with: The Muscle, Hans & Franz, Tear Away, Mr. Universe and Tony Horton… I think you get the gist… and from Tony Horton I arrived at the more obvious and easier to type P90X. So P90X it is. I like him, but I just need to make fun of him for a second about wanting to be a Action Film Star. Not an actor. He specifically said - Action Film Star. WOW. I just needed to get that out of my system.

VICTOR

Remember when they told him his outfit and hair were distracting during auditions? He was either going to be Ricky Vasquez or Rainbow Brite. I wasn’t sure anyone would get Ricky Vasquez and even though Vasquez is fun to say I think Rainbow Brite is more obvious and accurate. Are you seeing the same sleeveless hoodie I’m seeing?

TOP 20 PERFORMANCES

This post is long enough so I’m not going to bore you with a re-cap of the dances. I’ll just give you a ranking and I italicized who I thought did better in each dance:

These were my favorites:

1. Jakob and Ashleigh- Broadway

2. Victor and Bianca- Contemporary

3. Ryan and Ellenore- Jazz

I could take or leave the rest:

Legacy and Kathryn- Hip-Hop

Russell and Melanie LaPatin- Foxtrot

Peter and Ariana- Hip-Hop

Philip and Channing- Jive

Kevin and Karen- Cha Cha

Brandon and Pauline- Smooth Waltz

Nathan and Mollee- Disco

PEACE OUT – WEEK 1

BRANDON

I was disappointed when he didn’t originally make the Top 20. But the situation they ultimately put him in was kind of unfair. I hope Fox does the right thing and lets him try out again - I’m not giving him a nickname because I hope he’s back next season.

ARIANNA

I don’t have a nickname for you because lets be honest no one is going to remember you and I must point out that you had it coming . You are interchangeable with Faceless and one of you was bound to get the boot first. Sorry, have fun with your tractor in North Carolina, you seemed nice.