UNFORTUNATELY FUN

I am a self professed blog stalker - proud of it - and today I saw on someone else's blog (I'm sorry, I don't remember who) a fun new way to waste time. Who doesn’t need more of that? You just type "Unfortunately, {your name here}" into google and then hilarity ensues.

These are the best results that came up using my name:

*Unfortunately, Bridget's mother was still unconvinced that her daughter hadn't made the right choice.

*Unfortunately, Bridget did not return his affections, but even so, O’Carolan composed fifteen songs in her honor.

*Unfortunately, Bridget took that away from him. PS HE ONLY HAS ONE child!!!!!

*Unfortunately, Bridget's creators have decided she is a slow learner.

*Unfortunately, Bridget ran into a tricky obstacle and watched the race from the St. John’s Ambulance!

*Unfortunately Bridget chose to give the older bullies in her playground orange wedges instead of detention.

*Unfortunately, Bridget isn't terribly likable, her whole complex game plan based upon her shallow refusal to be anything other than upper-class.

*Unfortunately, Bridget already knows how to use the escape latch inside the trunk!

Good times. Wasting my day like this just proves how busy and important my life is. Please do not bother me, I clearly have too much going on.

BLAME MY MOTHER

I don’t think I have ever lived under a roof that didn’t have the Academy Awards playing on Oscar night. A healthy dose of awards shows was served yearly thanks to my mom. In fact in fourth grade I remember waking up the morning after the Oscars and asking her “Did Beauty and the Beast win best picture?” It did not, but honestly my 8 year old self wasn’t surprised, everyone knew Silence of the Lambs was a shoo-in. But don’t take this to mean I’m some sort of snarky film snob, in fact currently I have seen only one of the five nominated Best Pictures (The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, curiously the only PG-13 of the bunch). I just love awards season. So in the grand fashion of this blog, here is a run down of 3 plus hours of my life that I will never get back. Awards style.


.Best Host: Hugh Jackman. Excellent work. It’s a more than awkward affair to helm an event that is the epitome of film snobbery but expects their host to be funny, political, and musical all at the same time.

.Best Surprisingly Good Voice: How long until Anne Hathaway gets ten offers to do some variation of "Princess Diaries: the Musical in 3D"? Trick question. She got thirty offers and already turned them down for "Dark and Druggy, My obvious Quest for an Oscar: the Musical".

.Best “Below The Belt” Moment: So Jennifer Aniston and Jack Black come out and do a humorous little routine AND THEN they cut to Angelina… oh good gravy Academy, is nothing beneath you?

.

.Best Mockery: Ben Stiller making fun of Joaquin Phoenix was pretty funny; I really hope he planned that 30 seconds before going on stage.

.Best Speech: The Japanese guy who won for Animated Short Film. Anyone who can work the phrase “Domo arigato Mr. Roboto” into an acceptance speech is amazing in my book. And second place goes to the documentary film guy for balancing the Oscar on his chin after doing a 3rd grade magic trick. Gob Bluth would approve.

.Best Cruelty: Even though I think Beyonce (or as my mom says “Bon-say”) over-sings every note it was still ridiculously unfair to have Vanessa Hudgens and Amanda Seyfried in the same musical number. Brutal. PS – Vanessa, it must hurt to realize the only reason you get work outside of Disney is because you are dating Mr. Efron.

.Best Presenters: Tina Fey and Steve Martin, they should host next year. I would love a Tina/Steve musical number.

.Best Awkward Moment: Having Queen Latifah sing during the “In Memoriam” portion of the show was really… strange. Supposedly it was to deter people from clapping between the pictures, but people still did. So it just turned into this weird apex of clapping/ pictures/ performing/ audience/ stage… and we were left with a befuddled camera guy and the thought, “Is The Queen supposed to be singing right now?”

.Best Dressed Male: Daniel Craig, enough said.

.Best Musical Moment: Did you hear that Peter Gabriel refused to perform because his song was only given a 65 second time slot? John Legend ended up filling in which makes me wonder if he was Peter approved or if he was all they could get at the last minute. Either way, if I was Peter, I’d be embarrassed because the number turned out amazing and it sounded like John Legend was supposed to sing that song in the first place.

.Best… okay this one doesn’t have a category: Michael Shannon and Mickey Rourke are possibly two of the ugliest actors ever. There, I said it, I’m sorry.

In Conclusion: Every year Brad and I fill out ballots. Last year he beat me, and even though this year he claims to have chosen recklessly to let me win, I’ll still take it. Boo-ya baby.

MY FAVORITE CONVERSATION

Sometimes Brad and I marvel at our similarities. We laugh at the same parts of a movie that no one else finds funny. We can easily polish off a jar of Nutella in less than 24 hours. We love making fun of Al Gore. We find it impossible to fall asleep before midnight. And a mini-marathon of Arrested Development is our idea of a Friday night.

Where we find our swift divergence is music. I make fun of him for liking Metal and he mocks my preference for “pretentious” Indie music. Over the years we have managed to establish our common audible ground in Michael Buble, Jack Johnson, Frank Sinatra, jazz stations, talk radio, and Harry Potter on CD. But after a while these can get a bit tiring, so occasionally I would mix in a few of my personal favorites. Seeing Brad’s obvious enjoyment I would casually ask, “This is a good song, right?” to which he would suspiciously respond, “Why do you ask? Is it Death Cab For Cutie?” to which I would say, “Yes, and I saw you humming along.” He would then scowl and demand a song change because he can not endorse a band that has “Death Cab” in its name.

Well, a few weeks ago Brad sheepishly whispered to me:

Brad: I have a secret to tell you
Bridget: Okay.
Brad: I realized today that I actually like Death Cab For Cutie.
Bridget: Really? I already knew.
Brad: I know. I just had to tell you.

(Image from Wikipedia)

This has since been added to our common ground rotation. I guess sometimes marriage is about brainwashing your spouse into submission. Just don’t tell Brad that I have two Metallica songs on my Ipod that I don’t normally skip.

BAKING SOME LOVE.

Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both.

I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

- Michael Scott

CONSPIRACY THEORY

What are the chances that two of the girls that made it to the top 36 of American Idol this season wore the EXACT same dress to their original audition? And why am I the only one who has noticed this? We have a conspiracy on our hands people. PS - the dress isn't even that great, they both look like they are 12 years old/ possibly pregnant.

Megan Corkery

Sandy, UT

Mishavonna Henson
Irvine, California

(images from americanidol.com)

Also, this being the third TV related post this week, what are the chances that I might be watching too much TV?

MY FAVORITE TIME OF YEAR

I spent four hours in the gym over the past two days just so I could watch the 2009 Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. That's dedication people. I should win some sort of prize. Well Stump certainly did. The awesomely monikered Sussex Spaniel won Best In Show AND he gets to go on Martha tomorrow. Lucky.

(images from Yahoo News)

RECAP

I was really disappointed the Scottish Deerhound didn't win, because the headline "Tiger Woods wins the 2009 Kennel Club Dog Show" would have been classic.

I must give the Scottish Terrier props for his Best In Show entrance. Not every one would have the courage to urinate on national television. I love how the announcers pretended like they didn't see it and instead of changing the subject they just remained silent which made it painfully more obvious that they did in fact see it.

Okay. I'm a woman so I can say this. The female announcer was awful (I couldn't find her name anywhere, probably for good reason). First of all she knows less about dogs than I do, which is basically nothing. Questions like "So... is the Mastiff's slobber at all a factor in the judging?" does nothing for our gender and does not make the show more appealing to a wider audience. Also, I'm sorry. She sounds like a man. I was taken aback EVERY time they cut to her because I had forgotten I wasn't listening to two men. It's like taking a swig of your drink and unexpectedly getting water instead of coke.

Last year my favorite was the French Bulldog. They still remain my favorite but this year I am adding Norfolk Terrier to the list.

(Image from Wikipedia)

It went by way too fast this year, I submit it should be a week long event - somehow they need to come up with more categories. Only 364 days to go until next year!

(SIDENOTE - Ash I'm sorry for missing your big day yesterday. You know I love you. Happy Birthday!)

THOUGHTS ON THE GRAMMYS

- I love the songs they choose to introduce the presenters. Like when Blink 182 came out and they used a song that was released 10 years ago. Nothing says “we are still relative” like playing a decade old hit from a time when the Jonas Bros where in diapers.

- Do you think that Stevie Wonder knows who the Jonas Brothers are? Or do you think he probably thought “Hey, these are decent backup singers”. Yeah, me too.

- How cute was it when Kate Beckinsale covered her daughter’s ears when Craig Ferguson made a questionably appropriate joke? So cute.

- Wow. Katy Perry is not great live. Yikes.

- I think the Grammys sole purpose was to try and convince me to like Sugarland. I’m not sure why I dislike them, I think it’s their name and their over use of the country twang. But I’ll have to investigate them further because their acceptance speech, performance and pairing with Adele were all excellent.

- I'm pretty sure I’m the only person who does not get Lil Wayne. Are we all listening to the same person? I can not listen to more than 2 seconds of him. It’s like the inexplicable love people have for Shakira. Why does no one else besides Kristin and Ashley agree that she has a HORRIBLE voice?

- MIA chick. Dude you are pregnant, what are you doing at the Grammys? Also, I don’t know I if would have chosen exactly that outfit.

- Kanye. No to the Mullet. TI. Yes to everything.

- I actually hate the Foo Fighters but when they played “I Saw Her Standing There” with Paul McCartney they were my favorite band for about 3 minutes.

- The USC marching band with Radiohead? Awesome. All those nerds about to get really popular.

- Alison Krauss is perilously close to becoming the Elijah Wood of the music world. I’m pretty sure she’s younger now than she was 15 years ago.

- And finally, Justin Timberlake. Confession. My roommates and I taped the Billboard Music Awards in 2002 when we were freshman at BYU and kept that tape for at least 5 years so we could pull it out and watch an NSYNC performance of Gone any time we wanted. JT is that good live. Needless to say his Grammys performance shows he's still got it. For old time sakes here he is in his former glory.

THINGS LEARNED AT THE ST. LOUIS SCIENCE MUSEUM

There are not a whole lot of constellations you can see during the day.

Wind still blows around buildings

Brad can fit his fanny into an exhibit clearly meant for children. Also, our home scale is suprisingly accurate.

I still can't see 3D pictures, but the glasses are awesome.

It would take a lot of money to send me to the moon.


And the husband is still hot to trot.

guess what?

When snow only comes once a year, you're actually thrilled to see it.

don't mind if I do

Legally Blonde

The Fox theater is amazing. Everyone here calls it the "Fabulous Fox", and now Brad and I know why. It's ginormous and elaborate and a theater that would fit right in on Broadway. It has an innate Egyptian/byzantine decor going on that feels very 1920s. The immediate area around the fox theater is jumping with hipster shops, restaurants, parks - and baring the fact that Brad basically walked in to the women's restroom we will be going back as often as financially possible.



Oh, I guess I should say something about the actual show. It was great, cute as a button, and surprisingly funny. Lauren Ashley Zakrin (the understudy) performed the Elle Woods part and she was incredible, especially since this show is the only item on her resume and she's only 18 years old!

sidenote - HAPPY BIRTHDAY Jub Jub!

I wish you a day filled with Troop Beverly Hills, princess fruit snacks, and diet coke.

au revoir

Does anyone else adore the magazine Domino? Well if you do then you'll soon miss it as well, they've just announced that March will be it's last publication.

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Good bye to a seriously awesome magazine and website.

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Dang recession!

Dr. [fill in funny name here]

I work in a part of the medical field that forces me to interact with a variety doctors on a daily basis. The company I work for also has a database of all the doctors we deal with across the country. Since I started working here I began writing down any unusual names I came across just to mix things up. Some of these names might not seem out of the ordinary but once you start imagining one of them greeting you before a pelvic exam, colonoscopy, major surgery, or just answering their work phone you can’t help but revert back to being 10 years old and snicker just a little.

...

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I promise these were not made up:

- Dr. Payne
- Dr. Love
- Dr. Evilsizor
- Dr. Crook
- Dr. Goode
- Dr. Doody
- Dr. Smart (in our database: 10 women, 3 men)
- Dr. Weiner (in our database: 11 men, 4 women)
- Dr. Kiss
- Dr. Hait
- Dr. Develle
- Dr. Butt
- Dr. Doolittle
- Dr. Strange
- Dr. Power
- Dr. Sinner
- Dr. Pepper
- Dr. Happe
- Dr. Killam
- Dr. Deadman
- Dr. Moron
- Dr. Hell
- Dr. Doctor

...

[Why the picture of George Clooney, you ask? Well, when else am I going to do a post that gives me an excuse to use a picture of George in scrubs? Exactly.]

havasupai: we roll old school style

Brad has been bugging me to do a blog post about Havasupai since last summer and the other day he had finally had TOO MUCH. In a fit of anger he picked the pictures out himself and sent them to me, along with a ‘casual’ text stating that the Havasupai pictures were ready to be posted. I find this all highly humorous since it takes three days of nagging to get him to do things that are actually important, you know, like take out the rancid garbage filled with five day old raw chicken. Raw chicken that smells so heinous I could actually get airborne salmonella. I could take it out myself but it's one of his THREE household chores he's in charge of, so I don't on principle. But I digress. [that story was of course exaggerated for blog entertainment purposes]

UPDATE #1 Brad says I sound bitter in the above paragraph. I actually meant it to be funny but I really am a little bitter because he gets two days off of school (when he has literally five feet to walk to class) and I get zero days off of work (when I have to drive 1 1/2 hours through the snow). Real cool.

We had a delightful time at Havasupai [June 08], hard to believe this exists inside the desert of the Grand Canyon. Our camera was dropped onto rocks while climbing down a 30 foot cliff which is why we recently procured a new far superior one. Brad also strained his knee cliff jumping so the 10 mile hike out was not so lovely, but we were pleased to be able to check off one of our major “Must Do”s before we left Utah. We’d go back in a heartbeat.

UPDATE #2 Brad has informed me that he actually hurt his knee hiking in and that the cliff jumping just made it worse. That's what I get for being an untimely blogger, I guess there is some merit to him complaining about taking 7 months to blog about this.

[below: if you look close you can see Brad in the midst of the fateful jump]

[This was the last picture taken before the camera fell to it's near death, lovely way to go though, huh?]

well well well, what do we have here?

Why it's an SIUe dental student and he's ranked #2 in his class.

I am equally proud of his intelligence and his threatening eyebrows.

bleak

Okay, I am not a winter-hater but I am not down with -17 degree weather either. They’ve actually canceled the schools here for the last few days. I don’t know of any offices that have closed so I braved the cold and went to work as usual. My philosophy is that if it’s gonna be this stinkin cold there better be some freakin snow to make the earth more beautiful. Instead we are forced to live in a barren waste land of ugly deadness. Lovely. Well to get myself through this bleak midwinter I have a few recent obsessions:

1. Dr. Horrible’s sing-a-long blog. I realize this is about a year old but it’s so funny! And as you all know I’m a sucker for musicals, especially ones featuring Barney (the womanizer, not the dinosaur).

2.

plus

= crazy delicious.

3. To Kill A Mocking Bird: I mentioned recently that I had never read it. I’m only about 50 pages in but that Harper Lee is surprisingly witty, especially since I pretty much know where the story is going. So far, really enjoying it. That Scout is a firecracker.

4. The aforementioned Adele album. What are you waiting for? Go download it!

5. Biggest Loser. Again, I know I’m behind the times but this show is awesome. I’ve watched it off and on since it’s inception but I’ve never been a loyal viewer. Brad and I have recently started loving this show. It’s arguably the most wholesome and uplifting thing on primetime tv. What else could you possible watch that inspires you to simultaneously want to call your parents, run 5 miles, eat celery, never give up on your dreams, and feel guilty for all the “your mom” jokes you’ve ever made that referenced weight. Has an episode ever passed that I didn’t both cry and laugh? No, because my soul isn’t black.

6. Etsy. Is there a word stronger than obsessed? Well, whatever that word is that’s how I feel towards Etsy. Spend 20 minutes on that site and try not reaching for your wallet. It’s impossible.

7. I love you more than ________. This blog is so adorable, and often hilarious. My submission hasn’t been posted yet, but these are my favorites so far:

8. New camera. Brad surprised me for Christmas. We splurged. Big time. Like eating ramen for a month big time. But it will be worth it. It’s already inspired us to go to the St. Louis Art Museum so we can practice all the settings and have subjects different than Brad sitting at the computer.


9. Did I mention that the art museum is awesome and free? Oh, and on Friday nights it’s open until 9PM and all the special galleries are free. Sometime St. Louis is pleasantly surprising. So St. Louis, you made the list. Barely. Not your weather, just you.

proof that my nephew is a genius

He already knows the right team to support.

currently listening

If you are looking for a Jazzy/Blues album go buy Adele’s album 19. I’ve been meaning to buy this for about six months and it’s de-lightful. Plus her middle name is Blue. How did her parents expect her to do anything but sing? (Maybe Spencer and Heidi were on to something when they wanted to adopt a kid from Africa and name him Dunk so he would be an NBA player.) She went to the same school as Amy Winehouse, Imogen Heap, Leona Lewis, and Kate Nash - must be something in the water there. She actually has a similar Amy Winehouse sound except I don’t feel like I’m getting a venereal disease just by listening to her. Adele is more pleasant and her album is more awesome.

If you can’t commit to the whole thing then download: Chasing Pavements, Hometown Glory, Cold Shoulder, Right As Rain, Tired, or Feel My Love (awesome cover).

Indiana vacation to visit my brother

Cassidy, Michael, Iain, and Ryan were kind enough to let my mom, my sista, Brad, and I visit for New Years. We had an excellent time.

The whole gang

The girls went scrap booking one night and left the boys to fend for themselves.


So adorable. Iain has a hard time saying chocolate milk so it always comes out f-ing milk (but the actual word). I don't know how he manages it, but he says it every time. Brad and I were even warned that he says it but we couldn't stop laughing whenever he sweetly asked for his favorite drink. It definately ups the urgency of his need for milk, instead of getting him chocolate milk you think he just wants milk IMMEDIATELY.


Brad crushing Alex's will to live.

Iain concentrating really hard to knock out his dad on Wii boxing. AND Brad looking crazy with that glorious hat hair.
F-ing milk.
Ryan always smiles, I tried to toughen him up Rocky-style but he's just too cute.\

You have no idea how many pictures we took to get this one.


Grandma and Iain. He started calling her Ma-maw and she was having none of it.



Oh, and Alex and I became celebrities. AKA we went to Target and acted like we were important.